I have moved from Manchester in the UK to Perth in Western Australia. Yeah baby, I'm on the other side of the freakin' world. Aussie winter is warmer than UK summer, the nightclubs are pretty good and I can still get a pint of Guinness if I really wish.
Back onto the music, Chaotica. Yeah. Erm. With the move and everything, it never really got the loving care and attention that it so very much needed, and with that kind of got scrapped. To be honest, I'd got really tired of rearranging and remixing all the tracks. I could never get them to sound how I wanted, and I don't think I ever will. So on that note, no, Chaotica will never be "released". If you want a copy, just throw me an email, but I can't promise a quality listening experience.
There is a silver lining to all this though, there is new material on the horizon. In fact, since I've been here I've created about 50 (nearly) useless patches for my synthesizers and actually completed two tracks. Yes: completed (until I listen to them in two months time, decide they're crap, re-mix them, re-release them, realise once again they're still crap, and start something afresh).
I see a dangerous and a destructive cycle within my creative process, but the problem probably lies with that the only feedback I am receiving on my music comes from myself. You can never really trust yourself to fully and honestly criticize your own work in the proper way. You spend the first few days with the creation still high on the ecstasy of creating it, therefore altering your perception to be more accepting of it's flaws. Then that high wears off and you become over critical, and decide its crap; but other people could listen to it and think it was actually good.
Without that public feedback I'm never going to grow at this. I'm never going to truly understand my creative flaws and only try to perceive the flaws with my creations, therefore desperately trying to correct the symptoms without ever addressing the cause. And here we are back to destructive cycles again.
I'm not sure whether it's a naivety thing, the fear of embarrassment or just a simple case of temporary loss of confidence and self esteem from not being in work for the past two months, but I just can't bring myself to submit to any labels. Have I been producing long enough? Is it of a good enough quality? Is my music appealing to other people enough? In what circumstance would my music be distributed? As a commercial track, a club track, a tag on the end of the label's yearly compilation CD? I haven't a clue. I know I won't find the answers until I ask the questions, and that means actually start submitting my material to labels, but I'm still not sure I should do.
And now I've written this I could never include the website with the release. Hell, they'd probably Google me, just to see if I had any popularity or following. They'd find this article and probably think I was a problematic nutcase with mild schizophrenia. But then again, I suppose a lot of successful artists have a few similar personality traits.
I don't know.
I have limited internet access at the moment, so the new tracks will appear for preview either on the soundcloud or the YouTube account whenever. Could be tomorrow, could be next month. I seriously haven't got a clue what's really happening at the moment.
